(no subject)

"I had gone to no such place but to the smoke of cafes and nights when the room whirled and you needed to look at the wall to make it stop, nights in bed, drunk, when you knew that that was all there was, and the strange excitement of waking and not knowing who it was with you, and the world all unreal in the dark and so exciting that you must resume again unknowing and not caring in the night, sure that this was all and all and all and not caring."

"I tried to breathe but my breath would not come and I felt myself rush bodily out of myself and out and out and out and all the time bodily in the wind. I went out swiftly, all of myself, and I knew I was dead and that it had all been a mistake to think you just died. Then I floated, and instead of going on I felt myself slide back. I breathed and I was back."


(no subject)

"What if I was wrong and no one cared to mention?
What if it was true, and all we thought was right was wrong?
Simple math
The truth cannot be fractioned
Either way

I imply
To mitigate the guilt, we could align
A perfectly constructed alibi
To hush the violent guilt that eats and never dies
In actual blame, they called me once the dark divide."

So perfect.

R.I.P. Matthew Joy

 My mom called me yesterday right before I was about to leave for work and she said she had bad news. At first I thought she was going to say my grandmother died but no. She said my cousin Matt Joy (he was named after my father) was killed in a car accident. My reaction was "Are you serious? No, wait. Are you serious?!" I couldn't believe it. I still can't. At first I was in disbelief. On my way to work in the car I just cried. I've never dealt with death of a person close to me before. I wasn't even really close to my cousin because he lived in Missouri and I live in PA. But they are my immediate family and they mean a lot to me. His older sister Katie and I recently got to hang out Thanksgiving of 2009 when they came up to visit and we got to talk about everything. Matt was unable to come. I don't even remember the last time I saw him, years ago. Katie called me and left me a heartbreaking voicemail. I can't even imagine how she feels right now and I just imagine if I lost my brother and how much of a mess I would be. 

He was the only one involved in the accident and swerved off a country road at 6am on his way home from a friend's to get ready for work. The fact that this was so unexpected and unthinkable makes it hard for me to even believe that he is gone. I keep telling myself and I can't grasp the concept. My father was the only one that is flying out to attend the funeral. My grandmother is very upset and I know my whole family is even more worried about me than they were before. I feel like this is a major wake up call for me to take control of my relationships with my family. Over Christmas Break I'm establishing a more intimate relationship with my brother. I have to. I've been putting it off too long. I need to stop taking everything in my life for granted. That is one thing I wish I could change about myself.



and refer to this post for a bunch of other stuff. http://antiquestores.livejournal.com/300302.html#cutid1
You don't like a price? Make an offer. thnx.

(no subject)

WOULD ANYONE WANT TO BUY MY PURPLE VANS ??? I never wear them and they are in great condition. $20 +shipping. Also, I have a bunch of clothes I never wear either so if anyone's interested in a for sale post, let me know. I need money, help me out!